putting off epiphanies

blowing the dust off my thoughts, surveying the multiple boxes of words and ideas with no place to go and as such remain boxed up in storage... is it a matter of TIME? need i be patient and wait for my half-empty cup to fill? to runeth over? i don't know. everything keeps getting put off, life getting in the way of life. pointless hobbies and unnecessary sleeping devouring any available time i have. time not spent in front of a screen assisting others live their lives, the 8 hours wasted to make someone else's dream come true while mine is put on hold. when is it going to be MY turn? when will the world stand still, the ball stop, the dart fly and land on my name?

it feels like the internet is trying to tell me something. various images popping up on my FB newsfeed from various friends feeling so specifically directed at me, when in fact they are posted by friends that find themselves in the same hole as i, and as such they speak to them... well at least i am not alone.

the internet is simply loaded with these images! different voices saying the same thing. DO IT! just get off your ass and fucking do it! there is no reason why you can't be happy. no reason why you cannot achieve your dreams but first you have to go for it. take aim. fire.

we are all so unhappy at times with the same routine life but continue to do so because well, there is no other option. bills need to be paid. food needs to be put on the table and no money does not grow on trees... and even if it did it would requires lots of work and maintenance i'm sure! heck i cant even keep these little potted herbs from dying!

you are what you want to be. life is what you make of it. if theres a voice in the back of your head telling you to make time for your passion, to not forget what truly makes you happy.. well.. you should listen to it. 

i know i sure as hell need to.

need to clear my desk of all this clutter and junk and lay down some crisp white emptiness on which to free myself. 

yea....

well what else can i tell you? i have been living with the gf for just over a month now. its very awesome. i am very happy. now if only i can get art going i would be a COMPLETE person... and hopefully that wont lead to some scale being unbalanced and horrible shit happening haha.. that would suck.. well, goodnight!

rewinding lines

how does one begin a blog post without anything of consequence to report?
i am still sick. it sucks. though i am still able to hover over a desk and spill lines, so really it could be much worse. a day under a week ago i had some work on display at Mitzi's sister, a bar of sorts. although fun was had by all the event didn't quite turn out as planned... but that is not important. what is important is that it was the driving force behind 15 small drawings, some on mylar some on paper.
its funny, when i was much younger, in elementary school... i was so sure i was going to grow up to be a comic book artist. i wasn't much of a comic book buyer at the time, but as everyone knows its not about the material things. i had a handful of comics and cards that i would read over countless times. my dad had many years of education regarding medicine and human anatomy, as such he was my teacher when i was having a hard time drawing from books and action figures alone. he would start rambling off the proper terminology and names for the different muscles, when all i really wanted to know was how to draw a really powerful Hulk without making him look like he had just been stung by a swarm of bees.
i remember in grade6 i had a large sheet of paper where i had drawn over 20 characters of varying size and "powers"... they were all bug-people of some kind aka muscle-bound humans with bug heads and buggy feet. i had such ambition then. spending hours mapping out the panels for a page before i had any concrete idea of what the story was about.

somewhere along the way i became more of an observer than a player. books piling up on my bookshelf, but hardly any drawings to go alongside them. somewhere along the line a line was drawn between "real" art and comicbook art. i guess i convinced myself that i would never be as good as the pro guys and decided to do my own thing. my "own" thing is going pretty good, i can still draw a half-decent spiderman... but the energy is gone... or misplaced.
although the small stack of capes are very cartoony and playful, not at all what i had sought out to do many years pass... maybe i can still get back in the game. draw a few bug heroes or something.