bring me back a souvenir.

What will be, will be, as it has already been. You have already made every possible decision you will and can ever make, your paths are etched into stone, you just don't realize it.
What if dreams are not a dream-scape, or messages in metaphor from the future, or crazy stories your imagination decides to tell you to keep you entertained; what if they are actually memories of different paths you have taken.

Where are you going with this hugo? Where is this all coming from?

Well, this morning I was pulled out of the dream by my dog wanting to go outside... but the dream he tore me out from what a linked dream; a spinoff of some kind. How often do we have dreams that we desperately try to take something from, a souvenir. Sometimes an object, something we have been missing, looking for, maybe its money or a fantastical device. Sometimes we awaken and all we want is to remember a face, a number, a name. I know its an irrational and romantic notion that one can actually meet someone in a dream... but hey, I am an irrational, romantic person.

As I was saying; the dream that my overzealous terrier woke me from was mainly based on my wanting to remember a name from the previous dream. I'm quite the lucid dreamer, and in this dream I was "aware" that I was dreaming, so when I met this other woman I knew that I was engaged and that this was not that woman, which was then explained to me in the dream that it was a different reality, a different choice was made. Evidently I had known her since elementary school and we had stayed close since. Awake and completely conscious I can honestly say I have lost contact with everyone I have known since then, so who knows.   Anyways, in the dream to follow I was obsessed with finding out who it was.

Now this is where things get complicated, I woke up, fell back asleep, maybe for the 3rd time while all this was going on; and this time we were all planning a party of some kind. A trip. I had a bunch of family in a house I did not recognize trying to plan an elaborate family vacation. For whatever reason my brothers and I left the house because we needed to get masks, we went into the store just down the street and looked through what little they had for costumes. It was a very limited selection, because evidently Halloween was that very night (oddly enough I have many dreams around this concept).      As I walk out of this shop, empty handed, I notice who I think is the girl from the previous previous dream enter the shop beside this one. This place was much fancier, trinkets and such. I wonder what I can say to her, how should I not sound crazy... in the dream from way back we already knew each other, this time I was a stranger but apparently still had memories of trying to find her from that previous dream. In the end I don`t go up to her at all, as I am distracted by a little cupcake charm, reminding me of my wife, and sending me back home.

I rush back home, different house now. Unknown people answer the door, there is a party, there is my wife (or fiance in reality), throwing a piece of chocolate cake in the air, failing to catch it in her mouth... apparently this is the game thats going on. She is wearing a very pretty dress, a light teal, she has a hat on with feathers, there is something odd, something off about her that I don`t realize until after, or maybe its just so frightening at this stage in my life that I do not want to think about it. She says hi, light kiss and a hug that only she can give. Shortly after I wake up. Realizing that my 2nd alarm went off about half-hour ago and I should get moving. As I lay there in bed trying to piece together the fading memories, I conclude to myself that everything is real. That everything we dream of is real.... but just not in this reality. Just not in this chain of choices.

Does this apply to crazy-ass dreams where you can fly and you fight ninjas?
Yes. Especially.

I don't really have a purpose for posting this. Its not leading up to anything. Really I am just jotting down ideas before, like the dream, they fade away.

Hope you are all doing well. Gosh I need to start posting more! Maybe I should sleep less.

imported breakfast cereals

hey. hows it going?
i'm doing alright, chugging along the track i have laid out for myself. checking things off my daily lists, high-fiving myself metaphysically  things are good. if not for the sudden return of winter outside, i would say things are fantastic. but who am i to complain about the weather? i know my complaints and lengthy letters to the weather bureau won't actually affect anything, but hey, we all do it.

i have an instagram account now! i will be using it to post pics of works as i am working on them, maybe some action figure photos... pictures of the dog... and food i guess, since that does seem to be the primary purpose of this app. i dont know how, if i even can, put a link to my instagram flow thinger... so just look me up! HUGOISAGHOST  is my thing. my handle...

so yea, i post stuff like this ^  and then later on will post the finished piece either on my FB page or on here, or wherever... until i get the website redone and shiny again this will be the way i get stuff out... or i will keep some pieces secret until i can BAM show on new site!

 i feel like i am going back to my roots. back to the basics. drawing for the hell of it, on random pads of paper here and there. i have 2 nice pads of vellum paper, 2 watercolour pads... oh yea, i think im good for a couple of weeks. debating what will become of the full roll of mylar from way back. something will happen. something. i enjoyed working on mylar too much to just walk away from it. so we'll see..

most every drawing i do lately has at least one skull involved. not necessarily a bad thing... or a good thing. i think i have to try to avoid the skulls a bit, just to make sure i can. just to make sure i am not trapped to forever draw skulls!

been doodling on coloured paper too. using a pen of different weight, putting lines down on funky colours... it really calls forth a new level of fun in subject matter. more punch! i guess i have always known this... but just saying. Oh! so i have decided that i will release a new zine or... lets say before May. i have not put together a zine since 2009! i only have one copy of that zine and its so nice to look back on. need to revisit the art of zines!!! i intend to actually put effort into spreading the news and shipping these badboys out. opposed to sitting at a table at a zine fair and waiting for the people to come to me. no no no. no more of that nonsense.  gotta go for the kill! grrrr... grr... meow.

on an unrelated note i have had Elmo's song stuck in my head. but instead of the actual words i have meows. its pretty awful. maybe more coffee will make it stop. yes... that makes sense.

hours to go!

hey internet peoples!!

this year is just about up, drinks are being poured, lists for changes are being made... and after all is said and done, its just another day. 

hey so the world didn't end a couple days ago, thats pretty cool, would have been a bummer for sure! hope everyone is doing good, in good health and all that, high spirits. things are good on my end, been busy here and there and so on... lets see... biggest piece of news; got ENGAGED! madness i know. if you know me you know its been a long time coming and i couldn't be happier! now comes the incredible stress and panic of planning the actual event. 

on the art front its been pretty quiet. i did however come to a revelation... i'm an "illustrator" more than i am anything else. if you ask me to draw you a ninja squirrel i will laugh for a few minutes and get it done with gusto! though having to stop and try to think of getting back into galleries; creating a new body of art and being super deep and such... my brain shuts down. so let's not worry about it and have some fun! 

here are some watercolours i was messing with. can't seem to drop the SKULLS heh.

on to some work i've been up to, and awesomeness to come... here is the new cover for the 2nd installment of ALL YOUR FATES, an awesome multi-dimensional novel on WATTPAD, and soon to be much much more ;)   that is all i will say for now. lets just say i will be buying a crap load of new pens!

here is a link to chapters! READ!>>  ALLYOUR FATES  <<

also! will be launching new site, shaking off the past and moving forwards! intend to get back into the thick of things, working the FB fan page, the tweets, the blog, the whole nine! here is a monster i drew at work. yay free time at work to draw random stuff!... mostly monsters. yep. it is what it is.

 

wish you all the best. hope 2013 works pretty sweet with you all. lets all get our shits together and live awesome lives! 

the wee hours

its 1:51am, i have not been awake at this hour for some time, or rather, i have not been awake at this time with a paintbrush in my hand for a long time. i don't know if i like what i am working on or if it will actually amount to anything but i am doing it, and this pleases me.
almost 2months ago i turned 27, which is the oldest i have ever turned, though today i am older than that, and once i click the button to publish this ranty blog entry i will be older still. every now and then a new white hair announces itself to the world, my temples slowly winterizing.

nothing has really changed, work is work, my free time is still looking for a real purpose. but overall things are well. i am still crazy in love with my lady, my four-legged friends are healthy and happy, no real complaints here.

art? well i'm still drawing and doodling all kinds of weird shtuff while the hours crawling by at work. scribbles and such i have been posting on my TUMBLR. check'er out yo!

thats where my online presence wanders. also the nerdy page i update as slowly as i keep this one going. been spending some energy with my brother and his IronMan life, probably too much Iron in my brains.

still doing the skulls whenever i can. still good times. this is what i'm working on right now; it's already changed a big deal since i took the picture, the end result will be... something.

it feels like i have been posting on this blog but it turns out i haven't, its been that damn tumblr! so lets see what else is visually enticing and new? well, i am taking part in a badass Lovecraft based Zine! brainchild of the talented Trevor Henderson the zine is entitled PUFFED SHOGOTHS, has some serious talent on board and will def be a site for sore eyes! 

here are my 2 humble entries: 

i will keep yous guys up to date with that zine. be sure to pick one up when they happen!

the time is now 2:52am, and my back hurts. its not that i type so incredibly slowly but rather that i get crazy distracted. between penning details on whatever the heck i'm working on and watching season one of this "new" CGI styled GreenLantern cartoon. good times. but this chair does suck, and as much as i want to go to bed... its too late for that. Jess will be getting up for her baking job very soon, and to crawl into bed a mere half hour before she gets up, risking waking her up, its not worth it. 

well, lets wrap this up. i need to lie down on the couch or something i guess. catch y'all next time. hopefully not months down the road. geez man!

putting off epiphanies

blowing the dust off my thoughts, surveying the multiple boxes of words and ideas with no place to go and as such remain boxed up in storage... is it a matter of TIME? need i be patient and wait for my half-empty cup to fill? to runeth over? i don't know. everything keeps getting put off, life getting in the way of life. pointless hobbies and unnecessary sleeping devouring any available time i have. time not spent in front of a screen assisting others live their lives, the 8 hours wasted to make someone else's dream come true while mine is put on hold. when is it going to be MY turn? when will the world stand still, the ball stop, the dart fly and land on my name?

it feels like the internet is trying to tell me something. various images popping up on my FB newsfeed from various friends feeling so specifically directed at me, when in fact they are posted by friends that find themselves in the same hole as i, and as such they speak to them... well at least i am not alone.

the internet is simply loaded with these images! different voices saying the same thing. DO IT! just get off your ass and fucking do it! there is no reason why you can't be happy. no reason why you cannot achieve your dreams but first you have to go for it. take aim. fire.

we are all so unhappy at times with the same routine life but continue to do so because well, there is no other option. bills need to be paid. food needs to be put on the table and no money does not grow on trees... and even if it did it would requires lots of work and maintenance i'm sure! heck i cant even keep these little potted herbs from dying!

you are what you want to be. life is what you make of it. if theres a voice in the back of your head telling you to make time for your passion, to not forget what truly makes you happy.. well.. you should listen to it. 

i know i sure as hell need to.

need to clear my desk of all this clutter and junk and lay down some crisp white emptiness on which to free myself. 

yea....

well what else can i tell you? i have been living with the gf for just over a month now. its very awesome. i am very happy. now if only i can get art going i would be a COMPLETE person... and hopefully that wont lead to some scale being unbalanced and horrible shit happening haha.. that would suck.. well, goodnight!

cracked feet

so there is what i can only describe as a crack down the bottom of my foot, the sole of my foot if you will. although it probably shouldn't be, i cant help but find it entertaining... the very odd part of me is thinking how neat it would be if my foot split open and a new foot was revealed. a secret foot of sorts. yup.

ok this entry may have gotten off on... the wrong foot here. HAW HAW! so good.

but seriously folks. all is well, been drawing random things here and there, this is good. need to work bigger! unfortunately i am currently lacking the midnight hours and space to accomplish this. on the plus side i will be moving wicked soon and THEN i will have this which i currently lack and will have officially run out of excuses.

so i set up that ETSY page i was talking about some time ago. currently has 20 things. please check it out! if you have money and the desire you should buy stuff, if not you should spread the word. if you do not wish to do either... you should go draw something. just cuz.

here are 2 random drawings i did at work. the first came from the word HEIGHT from Illustration Friday. though i have never actually submitted anything its always nice to get an email every week with a random word. the second came from a conversation at work where i said "hey i drew a Princess.. what should she be doing?" and the reply was "i dont know... eating a sandwich?" so then yea. this happened. cool? cool.

i would have more pretty, and complete drawings i did at work to show you if it wasn't for the girlfriend lending me Tina Fey's book. its too hilariously distracting! also i actually gotta work...

i am off to sleep now. until i can find a way to give up sleep for permanent i will forever be dragged down by needing to lay to rest every few hours and dream crazy crazy dreams. nighty nights all!

what day is it?

crossing days off the calendar, moving forwards towards the next day and the next, each bearing great resemblance to the previous. marked by moments of enlightenment and desire to DO this and CHANGE that and then just like that these feelings of euphoria are gone in an instant and we are back to the regular rhythm of life. but hey, lets focus on the exciting moments why don't we?

in June i will have a new address. i will have a new neighborhood. a new route. new view from my window. this is exciting, this is frightening, as milestones in life always are.

on THAT note... i don't really want to move with any large pieces of art i have kicking around, don't want to deal with the annoyance of storage etc etc.. so i figure i will drop prices and try to move as much stuff as i can! make more space in the moving truck and add a few bucks to my pocket! win win!

also on a similar note, i am working on re-doing the website. new feel. new art. new direction. same awesomeness and assortment of skulls and junk!

been drawing random stuff. found a new kind of "paper" at the art store the other day. its got the wheels in my head turning. ♫ A Daaangerous Past time, I know! ♪ before i pack up the PC and my pens i hope to get the site up and running and have the shop doing its thing! will be sure to keep you all in the loop. though of course if you have not already done so... pls LIKE my Facebook page. its just easier to holla at y'all!